Thirst for Meaning

have I showed you how to
value me so little
with the lens of my self-doubt
with hesitant shuffling
leading with my worst
self-suspicion so as to
avoid disappointing?

how I walk hollow
scooped-out wind-blown fragility
pushed into aerial displays
compulsively reacting
bluster to cover over
how I feel inadequate
compared to another

I’d gleaned the salesmanship
of pastel skies of dawn
or glimmering caps
swimming in a dazzling sea
and thought to pioneer
roughshod road to higher self
to link myself to lightness

I see meaning auroras
fluttering above horizon
untouchable as desert mirage
and just so my thirst
for meaning, arrival, self-definition
perpetually unslakeable
deflected by lenses of perception